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Tom brady is a zombie despite apologies from artist Jane Rosenberg

August 21, 2015

In case you missed it, Tom Brady appeared in court as a a zombie, at least in the court sketch by Jane Rosenberg. Of course, he’s also a zombie of another sort (more on that below), but first, the law-related issues.

Trentonian: “Tom Zombie? Courtroom artists Brady drawing is straight of The Walking Dead” by The Associated Press

Now, as evidenced by how long it took me to post about this (over a week late), you can tell that I really don’t care that much about zombie football. But, it’s still a big zombie-law story and I feel the need to try to cover it at least a little. Aside from the legal issues underlying deflategate (which I personally think are nonsense conspiracy designed to make people think all of football isn’t completely rigged entertainment, like professional wrestling), this story also provided a media opportunity to mention the issue of cameras in the courtroom (which the media industry desperately wants because they want to air the silly clips out of context – see for example ATL: “O-M-G, Your Honors! ‘Valley Girl’ Prosecutor Pleases The Court” by David Lat). So, here’s an opportunity for the media to teach football fans about legal process, but instead, let’s talk about how his hair and face look in the court sketch.

Time: “This Sketch of Tom Brady in Court Looks Hilariously Nothing Like Him” by Justin Worland:

When he steps into a courtroom, he apparently becomes a lifeless zombie, a terrifying creature who’s face appears to be melting.

Patch: “Court Artist’s Drawing of Tom Brady is Absolutely Horrifying” by Daniel Libon:

An exhausted old man? A zombie? Frankenstein’s monster? What does Tom Brady look like in the official court drawing?

Sportsgrid: “Courtroom Sketch Artist Speaks Out: ‘Tell Tom Brady I’m Sorry … I Might Just Kill Myself’” by Rich Chandler:

She made Brady resemble a combination of Lurch from the Addams Family, and a zombie, and a Nick Nolte mug shot.

Dlisted: “Open Post: Hosted By This Gorgeous Courtroom Sketch Of Tom Brady” by Michael K:

The courtroom sketch artiste Jane Rosenberg really worked her artistic magic and turned Tom Brady into a sad zombie Thundercat with mange.

Stashed: “Tom Brady’s Courtroom Sketch Is Pretty Horrifying” by Kazeem Famuyide:

How did you manage to make Brady, one of the most facially-gifted athletes on the planet, look like he was a zombie from Resident Evil?

KHOU: “Court sketch of Tom Brady is the scariest thing you’ll see all day” by John Breech

Brady looks like he’s about to star as a zombie-elf in a Lord of the Rings-Walking Dead crossover movie that I’d would probably actually watch if someone ever created it.

CTVnews: “‘It’s very difficult to sketch beautiful people’: Artist who drew Tom Brady speaks out“:

another meme Photoshops him into Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video as a dancing zombie.

[photocredit: @Athlonsports]

Leader Post: “Gormley: The week that was: from Duffy to the Riders” by John Gormley:

longtime New York court sketch artist Jane Rosenberg, who has apologized to New England Patriots QB-babe Tom Brady who she rendered this week as looking somewhere between Lurch and a zombie. Even his tousled hair looked like devil horns.

CNN: “Sketch artist apologizes to Tom Brady” by Melonyce McAfee:

She “loves” the meme featuring her sketch of Brady superimposed on Michael Jackson’s body in a still from the singer’s zombie-themed “Thriller” music video.

“I laughed at the memes — they’re really funny and creative,” she said.

Yes, laughing all the way to the bank– NYObserver: “Tom Brady Drawing A Fumble, But Courtroom Artists Usually Score” by Elizabeth Williams:

The image went viral, prompting many unflattering reviews and a “Zombie Brady” hashtag.

“Tom Brady’s face,” argued the sports website SB Nation, “melted at the DeflateGate hearing, according to this courtroom sketch.” (Don’t feel too bad for Ms. Rosenberg; she’s asking $1 million for the original).

Bulletin Leader: “Lawyer Jason Bonk On The Tom Brady Appeal Hearing” by Catherine Brumfield:

Implying that the artistic rendering makes Brady look unwell, another meme Photoshops him into Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video as a dancing zombie.

Counton2: “Zombie Brady? Deflategate Sketch Artist has Unique Style” by NBCnews:

Once upon a time, no courtrooms allowed cameras inside. Now, it’s a courtroom-by-courtroom thing,

Once upon a time there were no instant replays, there were no requests to ask the umpires to look at the video tape. So yes, cameras are important to modern times. Recently, cameras on police cars have unveiled horrible atrocities of government oppression that otherwise would have been buried by cover-up. Maybe we do need more cameras in the court too? That said, law is about reading and writing. We need a media that will help read the documents to the world in an entertaining way to inspire more reading and writing. Sound bites have a tendency to ignore the process and law is a process. Still, maybe out of context sound bites might be a good way to inspire that? It might create a lot of misconception but it might also lead some curious minds to dig for the deeper truth that they would not otherwise even known to look for?

Meanwhile in college football, where NLRB says players can’t unionize,(see ESPN: “Northwestern players denied request to form first union for athletes” ‘zombie’ might mean something different. See U of Alabama linebacker quoted in “Alabama’s Reggie Ragland gets some work at outside linebacker” by Ken Rogers:

Ragland laughed as he told reporters about running into the mythical “wall” that so many freshmen crash into around this time in camp.

“You can tell it’s hitting them because they’re walking around all depressed and zombie-like,” Ragland said. “So we try to keep them going and tell them it’s going to get better.

“When I first got here – oooh – I was zombie-like myself. I had to get a strong mindset. Once you go through the program in a year, you know what to expect. But for the guys that are moping around, we try to keep them up.”

And speaking of “once upon a time” even zombie Cinderella is cross-marketing with football, Washington Post: “The College Football Playoff killed Cinderella” by Matt Bonesteel:

Here’s everything that would need to happen for Cinderella to rise from the dead like the world’s prettiest zombie.

Can Tom Brady rise from the dead to be the world’s prettiest again? Is it possible that he knew the balls were under-inflated? Does it matter? Aren’t we all knowingly playing with a deflated economy? And deflated balls is a Viagra advertisement, right? err, Levitra; Glaxosmithkline, proud multi-year sponsor of nonsense court trials? (See PRnewswire: “NFL Announces Bayer and GlaxoSmithKline as First-Ever Multi-Year ‘Proud Sponsors of the NFL’ in the Pharmaceutical Category“)

Does anyone actually believe professional sports aren’t completely rigged? (What about the sport of law?) Sure, they wouldn’t tell the linebackers, but the dozen or so professional quarterbacks must all be in on it, right? Just like the Supreme Court justices know that they are politicians, the quarterbacks know that too, right? They are selected in part because they know how to look pretty and keep their mouths shut. Tom Brady is a zombie cinderella because at midnight, or whenever his contract expires, he’s just another pretty boy corporate model, owned to sell advertising. See TVTropes: “All part of the show“. Or perhaps we should say ‘all part of the cross-marketing’.

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