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At midnight, Cinderella becomes a sexy zombie

October 31, 2014

Princess costumes, and pumpkin spice. Happy Halloween.

Or happy last day of Halloween if you have been celebrating the whole month. And don’t worry zombies, there’s still plenty more zombie holidays to celebrate your zombie-selfie. This weekend is a lot though, Halloween then fall back the night into daylight savings, extra hour of zombie sleep or partying depending on your politics, then the NYC marathon on Sunday, because runners like zombies as a motivational tool to run away from. And then zombie election day, zombie veterans, zombie Thanksgiving and it’s like as soon as the costumes hit the floor, it’ll be time for retailers to begin the zombie Christmas.

Imgur front page: “I got yelled at for ruining someone’s childhood this year”

zombie cinderella

In trademark news, JDSupra: “Dawn of the Dead Trademarks” by Stephanie Buntin from Lewis Roca Rothgerber:

registration for an application for the mark ZOMBIE CINDERELLA for dolls. The applicant, United Trademark Holdings, Inc. (“UTH”) of Beverly Hills, California, is releasing Once Upon a Zombie™, “an enchanting and thrilling new children’s book, toy doll line and digital game app” that features “undead” versions of several beloved fairy tale characters, including Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and many others.

That’s F’ing brilliant. I wish I had thought to Kickstarter that. Obviously, Disney is perturbed about the possible consumer confusion with their own Disney princesses, and the initial Trademark Examiner agreed, but on appeal:

TTAB, however, took a different view of the macabre mark. In its reversal of the Examiner’s decision, the Board found that “[t]he evidence shows that the fairytale character Cinderella is an established part of our cultural fabric and enjoys extremely widespread public recognition” and that “many dolls that depict the character Cinderella have been offered in the market by unrelated businesses.” Accordingly, the term “CINDERELLA” is not a strong indicator of source. Moreover, the Board found that the two marks conveyed substantially different impressions in the mind of consumers. The mark ZOMBIE CINDERELLA, on one hand, “creates a ‘cognitive dissonance,’ involving an uneasy mixture of innocence and horror.”

That’s a really amazing decision and I need to follow this case more closely. Trademark is confusing because it’s much about consumer confusion and the consumers are so easily confused. Historic literature created these princesses and is now public domain, and the zombie trope is also public, so the idea of Zombie Cinderella alone is perhaps merely descriptive. I myself am not even sure if I feel any dissonance at all in evaluating that description.

Still, stacking zombie Cindy with that particular set of other public domain sister-princesses does create a sort of perception of Disney because that’s what they’ve done too. I don’t think we want a big corporation to be able to claim ownership of a whole cultural character set just because they collected it first and made the public think they were their characters? Disney versions are distorted versions of the original stories so surely we must allow other storytellers to continue to retell the original princess stories and other new variants too. Then again it seems like a clever store owner could easily position these toys in a way that would confuse customers.

Meanwhile, in Miami, at the Miami Herald Blog, Naked Politics: “Scary thought for candidates: Fundraising gates shut at midnight. Here’s what we know“:

the poor accountants at the Republican Party of Florida and Florida Democratic Party have until midnight tonight, yes Halloween, to compile their reports detailing how much they raised and spent in the last three months. Talk about turning into a zombie.

So at midnight, the political princess at the media ball turn into zombies, their chariots into pumpkins, running from the palace leaving behind a hanging chad. And on Wednesday morning, the voters find her, or will it be her evil-step sister? To the victor goes the story books, but one candidate becomes royalty and the others revealed as the mooching hobos they’ve been all along. Remember children in hobo costumes? That’s not politically correct anymore, right? What if the hobo-cosplayer were to also have a sign saying they were a veteran and would work for candy? What if Veteran’s day was before election day? What if we thought about soldiers this weekend instead of distracting ourselves with zombie cosplay, candy consumerism, and a bank sponsored run through all the kingdoms of Disney-NYC?

The French Revolution was about killing royalty like these Disney princesses and their bankster-princes. Recall Rob Zombie’s French Revolution cartoon. That they’re heads would roll in the streets. But that’s the French Revolution, Frenchies do their wars like they do sex, they are fast and furious but ultimately submissive. Whereas the Americans fuck all night like cowboys: our Revolution started with a Brahmin Tea Party and it still isn’t over. All American wars the past 200 years have been battle skirmishes in the ongoing and incredibly bloody American revolution. Remember 1812? or the Alamo? The Civil War? WW1 and WW2? WWZ? Characters within the Disneyfied box-set of The American Revolution. Vietnam was a set-back but the Gulf is ours now, and the only endgame is Manifest destiny. It was the originalist dream, the goal of some Founding Fathers, and of Lewis and Clark while they double-teamed Sacajawea’s doll-hairs all the way to the West bank.

Zombies. All of us. Cognitively confused consumers. Happy Halloween. Distract your kids with sugar and princess and scary monster fictions, don’t dare tell them the bloody truth, that it isn’t candy bars that keep the community safe for them to walk around at night, that it’s guns and bombs and drones and the hard won sweat of Veterans, over the burdened backs of losers and un-elected officials. So when the kids asleep, hit up imgur and fap to some sexy zombie princesses, imagine making sweet-sweet-GamerGate, until you both turn into pumpkins, and jump around in a pile of Frozen zombie poop… merry zombie Christmas.

The sweetest thing you could do right now is buy something, one person has bought an “Undead” book this week and I don’t know who you are, but I am thankful. Other ZombieLaw merchandise is available at CafePress. And many books in the “Law of the Horse” series are discounted by Amazon.

undead in the federal courts

And the now substantially discounted Zombie-Brain USB:zombie usb brain zombies flash drive amazon

Stock your stockings early,

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From → trademark

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