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Zombie After Graduation: Slackoisie Job Market

April 2, 2013

Catonsville Patch: “UMBC Launches Zombie-Themed Career Week: The week includes workshops and a career fair.” By Tyler Waldman:

unlike the lumbering zombies of horror movie lore, University of Maryland, Baltimore County officials are hoping career week is a bit more enlightening. The university’s zombie-themed career week starts Monday and runs through Thursday.

Intended to

“…prepare for life after graduation … less intimidating and more fun.” said Caroline Baker, assistant vice president of careers and corporate partnerships

But see “Is The Zombie Apocalypse Our Disaster Preparedness Meme?” by Kathy Davis explaining memes (do people really not know what memes are yet?) and pushing prepper messages about being prepared – “You’re on your own for at least three days. Water, Shelter, Food. Mutual aid is as far as you can walk in a day. If you can’t carry it, you don’t need it.”

Juxtaposing these articles, the job search after college is basically like heading out into the zombie apocalypse and the career services are trying their best at disaster preparedness memes. This theme is echoed by the Houston Chronicle Blog video reporting on the Law in the Multiverse, WonderCon panel on Zombification Laws. The Chron Blog post entitled “Lawyer: You can’t take a zombie to court” by Dana Guthrie suggests that Ryan Davidson writes Multiverse Law because:

The job market’s been pretty dire for new law school grads

For the record, in the group interview we did, the Law in the Multiverse guys answered:

Question: Where do you find the time to do this [meaning to blog]?

Law and The Multiverse: James’s day job is in academia. Ryan may or may not have a time machine.

So that’s not really clear on whether Ryan has a day-job (or many) –but if The Chron thinks the Law in Multiverse guys have too much time on their hands, clearly they have not read this ZombieLaw blog.

The video on the Chron blog ends with an interesting question about whether a zombie could get a jury of his peers – I wonder if the Multiverse lawyers have discussed Batson challenges (?) – and recall from last Summer HuffPost: “Discrimination Against LGBT Jurors Remains Legal” by Andy Birkey about dismissing jurors for lifestyle choices.

A better question might be whether all juries are always zombies. Corralled in and out like cattle, fed only controlled information, manipulated with theatrics and false preconceptions. We have built an entire legal framework around the black box of a community’s random selection of mindless rational deciders. We do this at many levels of democratic institutional framework – consider voting but also, returning to the subject above, interviews for jobs (and for that matter, admission to college in the first place). Rounds and rounds of oddly biased zombie decisions. Constantly being assessed on measures that are indicative of nothing –but somehow in the composite, a person emerges.

ZombieLaw recently discovered a wonderful new word: “Slackoisie” (a neologism of slacker and Bourgeoisie) is defined by UrbanDictionary as referring to “a class of narcissistic young professionals, particularly attorneys” who are “slacker[s] with an exaggerated sense of self-importance and entitlement.” Already used the word in a previous ZombieLaw post in reference to a worldview that might be created from HBO’s “Girls” as metaphor for real life. Urban Dictionary attributes the word to J. Daniel Hull, Esq., of “What About Clients?” as “popularized” by Scott H. Greenfield, Esq., at “Simple Justice“. Recall Scott Greenfield from a prior ZombieLaw about “Death of the Academy” about the practical worthlessness of the Law Reviews (a not unrelated issue because it is the law schools recruiting and training these lawyers who are the Slackoisie).

According to the definition, the “Slackoisie” class believes:

that having a job is an entitlement, rather than a privilege. They often complain about the work they have (if working), opine the lack of “real lawyer” jobs available in the market, and are critical of the long hours and inadequate pay found at most small firms. They believe they are entitled to work/life balance, that their opinions on any subject are inherently important and that whatever benefits they enjoy are inadequate. The Slackoisie are more interested in having a place to go in the morning and some spending money than committing themselves to their clients and the profession;

Discovered “Slackoisie” from post of Mark Bennett at “Defending People” in his post “Is This How Kid Lawyers Think?” Bennett repeats the lament against young professional who are perceived as not wanting to work hard; that they only want to work for a good salary without too many hours, unwilling to hang their own shingle or apprentice to a small firm. After years of school, they don’t want to beat the pavement they want to to relax in a comfortable first year associate position.

This is not just lawyers. Many college and masters students expect to cash out after graduation (as if academic tuition were an investment). See “An Investment Theory of Creativity and Its Development” by Sternberg and Lubart. There is is a sort of myth that buying a degree is an investment so then it can be exchanged into money through a job. And this may be true for some people (which perpetuates the prospects of school marketing) but for most it’s just never that easy. And yet from early ages, children are indoctrinated to value education as an end in itself – “go to school” society insists; because well, only because. Everyone starts to believe that the education is a goal in in itself. But liberal arts schools don’t teach the real world (See NYTimes op-ed this week “The Ivy League was another Planet” about poverty but also about the disconnects within reality).

Law schools read appellate law in fast forward. It’s a wonderful perspective but it’s not the real practice world. And even if they have a clinic experience, real cases take longer than a semester, many longer than all of law school.

More important, we have taught our young people to be careful speaking, that even just speaking and putting your name on words is risky, and especially young lawyers should be careful how much responsibility they accept too soon. We are killing our artists, our entrepreneurs, our trolls and our dreamers and then wondering why our best and brightest are slacking.

We are not encouraging advocacy, we are raising indentured servants (recall “Zombie Law School Debt Prisons“) who just want their expected place on the (vanishing) assembly line. It’s not entirely their fault, they were fed a bunch of bullshit memes with the wrong kind of survivalist training.


From → Academics, jobs

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