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“if you’re ready for zombies, you’re ready for any disaster” – PLUS new cures identified

January 25, 2013

Canada is on board with zombie disaster planning. Canada.com “Are you prepared for a zombie apocalypse?” by Comox Valley Echo:

Emergency Management British Columbia (EMBC) advises British Columbians to be prepared for zombie attacks citing “that if you’re ready for zombies, you’re ready for any disaster.”

Capitalizing on popular culture’s interest in zombie phenomena EMBC attempts to raise the profile of emergency preparedness.

The US CDC has similar zombie disaster planning but UK towns are just pissed about the cost of absurd FOI requests. Meanwhile, VP Biden is certain that you can’t kill earthquakes with an assault rifle – Get a Shotgun!. But You Might Be A Terrorist if you prepare for zombies.

Meanwhile ZombieLaw has discovered two more cures for zombies. Recall the prior cures: puppies, laughing/comedy, a pinch of salt – also juju and now: water in the ear and transplanting leg muscles to the face (also I guess we should add Joe Biden’s shotgun – recall Putin’s zombie gun);

Muscle Transplant: Daily Mail: “Teacher called a ‘zombie’ after her face became paralysed, smiles again… thanks to op using a muscle from her leg” By Claire Bates:

A teacher who was taunted for looking like ‘a zombie from Shaun of the Dead’ because of a rare condition has had an operation to let her smile for the first time in ten years.

and

Wet Ear: IO9: “The weird way to eliminate—or evoke—phantom limbs” by Esther Inglis-Arkell:

How can you possibly deal with such a huge and psychologically complex difficulty? It’s going to be tough, but for now – squirt water in their ear. This actually stimulates a part of the brain that can take away the sensation of phantom limbs. Or occasionally, make them appear.

Phantom Limbs aren’t exactly zombies but recall comparison in ZombieLaw: “Zombies are issue of Credibility” regarding treatments with mirror boxes and relationship to hysteria.

So mirror boxes (a good hard look at your reflection) may also be a type of zombie cure and squirts of water in the ear (perhaps a shower or plunge into a tub or pool of water?) – these should all be considered in attempts to cure any zombie. Although if these work then maybe it maybe wasn’t really a zombie but just a phantom – see ongoing debates of zombie-not-a-zombie and recently Trev on Destructoid.com writes about “Dead Space 3“:

Necromorphs are not zombies. They are not even individual creatures. They are extensions of a hive mind that act with varying degrees of intelligence, from a chunk of meat on a bulkhead that swipes at whatever comes near, to raptor-like pack hunters which circle and strike when Isaac isn’t looking. Each “unit” has always attempted to avoid it’s own destruction, but they have more in common with insects or elements of an immune system than they do with zombies, and will sacrifice themselves with little hesitation. They are completely expendable if it means survival of the whole. In fact, since they’re made of the mutated biological matter of things they’ve encountered, Necromorphs are basically the Zerg (or Tyrannids, if you prefer) with less bug and more dead. I have seen more than one “zombies with guns” comment and I really have to wonder how much those people were paying attention. My guess? Not very much, because they still think necromorphs are zombies.

So it’s time to start filing those FOI requests, are we ready for necromorphs? I’m guessing Biden’s shotgun more effective than the puppies for necromorphs, but has anyone tried tickling their ears? — None that have survived to talk about it.

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