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Zombie Christmas

December 16, 2012

In case the Mayan Apocalypse comes, this is to serve as the ZombieLaw Christmas post. It’s a good day for it because Santa Con is similar to a Zombie walk. This post also mentions Dickens Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34th street and other zombies of Christmas past (Saddam Hussein and LulzXmas). And even if the apocalypse doesn’t come, this may still be my only Christmas post. This blog is an academic project and I am heading out of town for winter break. So while, I will still try to post more during the break, my posting pattern will substantially change this next month or so.

First a reminder about last year’s LulzXmas
anon santa
.
Please send LulzXmas cards to Jeremy Hammond at Jeremy Hammond – #18729-424, Metropolitan Correctional Center, 150 Park Row , New York, New York, 10007

Next let’s remember Christmas six years ago and the death of Saddam Hussein, 30 December 2006. May he be humped by Satan forever:

And now on to Dickens, in Oakland Tribune: “San Leandro theater troupe adds zombies to classic Dickens’ tale” by Rebecca Parr of The Daily Review:

Scrooge finds himself at a Roaring ’20s party and encounters zombies in a re-imagined “A Christmas Carol, the Musical” being staged by a local theater group.

Curtain Call Performing Arts‘ version of Charles Dickens’ holiday tale opens Dec. 14 at the San Leandro Arts Education Center.

Traditionally, the characters in Dickens’ tale are referred to as “ghosts”, right? maybe I should reread it because Dickens was wordy and must have used other descriptions too(?). Anyway, there are three ghosts that visit Scrooge with visions of: past, present and future. But before those he is forewarned by the corpse of his recently deceased business partner, Jacob Marley. It is at this point in the show that Curtain Call will introduce the zombie dancers to backup Marley. I think that Marley is always a sort of zombie(?) He is not mindless, but recently dead (seven years to the day) and returning to haunt. The later phantom visions are more ephemeral and mystic apparitions but Marley is (I think?) a corpse revenant. (Note also the connection of memories and time travel- See Zombie Proust in search of lost zombies and poor tiny Tim the disabled child, plus, as with most Dickens, there is the major theme of poverty and working class oppression – see also Zombies in Haitian sugar mills).

Next in the Herald Sun: “Deck the Christmas halls with freaks and zombies of the Apocalypse” by Alice Clarke:

THE main thing that should be on people’s minds this Christmas is what to get the person who plans to survive the Apocalypse. …
I know what you’re thinking: the Mayans said that the world would end before Christmas. …
No one knows for sure, but there are ways you can be prepared for anything….

Clarke’s gift suggestions:

“Good running shoes and canned goods”,
“a good book on how to make explosives”,
“Sharp weaponry”, “swords and axes”, “a couple of crossbows”

Or better yet:

planting a lot of trees as gifts.

She also notes:

Guns will be less useful as they seem to just irritate zombies and vampires.

And she prepares for the possibility of a DC comics “Superman” style meteor shower destroying “Smallville” with “Kryptonite”. Though,

if it’s Twilight’s sparkly vampires, just have a cyanide pill

And suggests: “make friends with a crazy shut-in” because they have a bunker full of good stuff — Like Santa?

Note: Santa is real - and according to the website he’s a mystic mushroom shaman, and his “north pole” bunker is actually in Alaska surrounded by a fortification of the military industrial complexity.

ComicBook.com notes: “AMC Replaces The Walking Dead With Miracle On 34th Street” by Steve Johnson:

we love the Christmas classics just as much as anyone else, but it’s an unusual choice to fill The Walking Dead’s time slot.

I disagree. Santa and zombies follow somewhat similar top-down consumerist themes. As an aside, let’s also recall that Easter is Zombie Jesus day. And South Park was born with Jesus trying to reclaim Christmas. But it is more evident than ever that Christmas belongs to Santa, who has been co-opted by Macy’s for promotion of mindless consumerism.


The Santa myth structures the conceptualization of holiday spirit. Like zombies, Superman and electrons, these socially constructed characters exist in language to serve very real narrative functions. Electrons are far more predictable than Santa Claus because their action-reactions are better understood but people act in Santa’s name and action occurs because of Santa. In this way, Santa is as real as America.

These concepts (Santa, zombies, Christmas miracles, America, Cartman) these imaginary constructions are not just fiction, they structure the mind and have impact on decision-making. Language is a virus and the metaphors mutate and play. Memes function on the human mind like parasites in insect behavior. But parasite and virus are not always the right words because most memes co-exist with our bodies in a highly symbiotic relationship as tools of daily life that we take for granted.

Still, some ideas may be dangerous. Recall Dennett’s dangerous idea, mentioned in ZombieLaw post on Oedipus Rex. But how do we know? Both Paul Krugman and Stephen Roach must think the others’ ideas zombie dangerous but who am I to evaluate? I have no way to really assess credibility until we see what happens.

Finally, “Zombie Apocalypse Christmas” is a show at the Rose Theatre Co in San Antonio, TX. Deborah Martin of MySA reviewed it as “a deeply silly, very funny one act.” And laughter is a cure for zombie.

So with that, Zombielaw is heading “home for the holidays” to spend some quality time as a zombie in suburbia – like the neighborhood invaded by zombies in the banned Norwegian Sporting Goods commercial. The commercial is ‘deeply silly’ but it’s also sort of scary in an inciting to riot sort of way If those zombies had guns or even just a few #Occupy signs it could be a real revolution:

Still I can’t help feeling like the crackdown on political dissidents in #anonymous can only lead to an escalation in political violence (recall “How to go to jail for research”). Note that #lulzsec #antisec was a government cointelpro scam – Santa works for the government as a conspiracy to increase sales – so don’t tell Santa what you really want or he will snitch on you like Sabu.

As far as I can tell Jeremy Hammond and Commander X and Jake Davis were relatively non-violent protesters revealing important flaws in our daily systems. How does locking them up help to incite the crazy actors like Jared Loughner, James Holmes, and Adam Lanza (and too many others) to feel that they have no other way to express themselves. Sometimes it seems like not much has changed since Columbine or the birth of South Park – Unless you are gay or smoking pot in Washington, then it may be that it isn’t really getting any better.

But it’s ok, we’re all zombies, it’ll be fine. Have some egg nog and a Merry Christmas. Enjoy the winter break even if you aren’t on break – winter is mostly just a state of mind, right? ;-)


ZombieLaw will be back in 2013
(if the apocalypse doesn’t come first).

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